I am happy to say that things are better now. My dad apologized for everything. I know he's still really bitter and full of hate about the divorce, but I really can't handle much more of this bi-polar stuff. Especially when I usually have to bear the brunt of it.

I think he is beginning to realize that I won't be home much longer and I may not want to come back again.

Meanwhile, while I don't have a "soft place" at home anymore, my friends have proven that, no matter where I am, they will be a soft place for me. And that means more than anything. Thank you all so much.

******

Tangent: While I was escaping the house the other night, I spent several hours loitering at the Holiday station where Leah was working with her uncle (who gratiously allowed me to loiter), I saw Mrs. Szcz, my high school English teacher. I hadn't seen her since my H.S. graduation since she'd moved to Appleton, WI. She was shocked to see me, but not as happy-looking as I would have imagined. Then I realized why: she was buying cigarettes.

All through high school she tried desperately to disguise her smoking habit. Casey and I began suspecting one day at play practice when I very innocently brought up that the "great american smokeout" was happening the following day. At this Mrs. Szcz flipped out and began saying incoherent things like "none of the teachers smoke, why do you think any of the teachers smoke? it's none of your business anyway..." blah blah blah. Casey and I thought this was a weird reaction. She also would react similarly when Casey brought up in class once that he and I had discovered Potsy the Janitor's secret smoking spot under the swimming pool. After lifeguarding one evening we found heaps of butts under there. She flew to his defence, even though smoking was clearly banned on campus.

Also, Casey rode in her car once and while he never found cigarettes, he found an inordinate number of bottles of spray perfumes/air-fresheners. Another witness, a teacher in the next town over stated that she passed Mrs. Szcz on the highway every morning and. no matter what the weather, her window was always open.

So we had our suspicions and circumstantial evidence, but no proof. I don't know why it bothered her so much, but it did. And to see her now, after 6 years, buying a pack of Newports (so funny because Casey predicted that would be her brand) seemed oddly appropriate. And funny. And it made me wish Casey was there to enjoy the moment, too.

Anyway, she said she was surprised to learn I was a chemist. I think she still held hope that I would go into the arts. Of course, I forgot to mention Comedy Corner. I think she would have liked to hear that. "Hey, Mrs. Szcz! Remember senior year, when we did that play that was really long and Casey and I couldn't memorize all our lines and just improvised the whole thing-- two performance nights that were almost nothing alike....?" Yeah, I think she would have been happy to hear about Comedy Corner.... I think she it would give her more positive memories about that disastrous (to her, fun for us, fun for the audience, who couldn't tell the difference) play.

Right now I am listening to the heater and am feeling tired